I'm Back!

I know all 2 of my readers have missed the commentary here at The Inner Thoughts, but as a man of great importance, I have just been too busy. I really just don't have anything to say. Here I am back at it ready for another try. . .

This evening, my beautiful wife got out a book she bought me when she was pregnant with Hannah. The book is "More Than a Dad" by Scot Anderson. If you know me at all, you know I really don't read books. Well, I actually finished this (note, Annie was only 25 weeks pregnant when she bought it, and I finished it when Hannah was 6 months old). Anyway, the point is, I read it! I highly recommend it to any father. Even if your kids are already older, you should read it. The author is also very funny. He doesn't come across as a know-it-all or "the perfect dad." He lays his mistakes out there as learning points for us rookies.

As I was turning through the book, this evening, I found a couple things that really stuck out to me. Stay with me here. I promise this is good stuff.

- "If for no other reason, you love her [your child's mom] because she is the most important and influential woman in your children's lives. How can a child trust a man who does not love the most important woman in that child's life."
He is talking to men married to their Baby Mama here as well as men who are not. He is very clear with that. I see how Hannah looks at Annie and regards her, and I know this is true. Annie will always be the most important woman in Hannah's life, and if I mistreat her, how can Hannah trust me with her heart?

-In another place, he talks about love languages. This is something my lovely wife has really gotten into lately. She has noticed the primary love language for most everyone she cares about. She also has noted gaps in relationships due to miscommunication in the language of love. I think she walks around examining everyone trying to figure out their love language now. Her primary love language is quality time. It has nothing to to with quantity of time. If I spend the entire day with her, but it is not quality, I have not filled her love tank for that day. Hannah is still a little young to figure out what her primary love language will be, but I pray that I am able to communicate my love to her in a way she understands. Anderson mentions that all 4 of his boys have different love languages, so he must communicate love differently to each one of them.

-One of the best chapters is on listening. He tells of the importance of a father being the best listener he can be. We want our children to want to come and talk to us, and we need to be slow to speak. He gives a list of all the different types of bad listeners there are. This list is pretty long. I could fall into several categories. I want Hannah to know she can bring anything to me. I will not jump to lecture her, and I will not tell her how to solve every problem. I will listen with an open heart and mind and we can work through it together. I may know more due to worldly experience, but her thoughts and emotions are valuable.

-I will make one final point because I think this list could go on forever. It's a great book, and it makes me laugh out loud! Anderson stresses giving your children value. You show value to things in how you treat them. Your children should know they are worth it. Your sacrifices are nothing compared to their worth. They need to be built up through positive encouragement. They know their weaknesses, and they don't need them constantly pointed out. He doesn't say you shouldn't correct or punish, but you should not degrade. Stephen Curtis Chapman has a song that I can't think of the name of, but it's basically about how his daughter asks him to dance with her because she wants to be a good dancer (@ the ball, the prom, her wedding) he always says yes because he knows there will come a time the "prince will steal her away." Frankly, I can't listen to it, because it makes me cry, but EVERY TIME Hannah asks me to dance, I do it, no matter how tired I am or what I am doing, I do it. I know that I don't have much time before the "prince" will come steal her away. And she's too valuable to me to miss it.

Well folks, I have written more than I thought I possibly could. That's all this Maddog has to say this evening!